Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Bitching with the Stars

Oh I need a US version of Strictly Come Bitching. Everything is slightly too nice, everyone gets along and there is no Bruce or Tess to get annoyed by. The US host and hostess are kinda nice, but not very interesting, although the hostess wears very very low cut dresses.

For some obscure reason they have imported Len and Bruno as judges. What they need is Craig. What makes me snigger is that the US dancers just ignore Len's complaints about props and not enough content. Fneh! Bruno seems almost normal in the US - strange but true. They have also imported the Voice - but I am not sure if they fly him over or just get him to record his parts in a BBC studio?

On top of quite normal hosts they have also got singers who can sing! It is almost too good, too plain, too vanilla, as they say here.

Best bits of tonight's show - they are all dancing 'from the heart' to music from a year that is special to them. Some stories are sad, some funny and some uninteresting.

Rob - not bad and dancing to his dad's favorite song. Oh! Kim K is in the audience! She pretty. Half the clan is there and I noticed they have a heavy presence on twitter as well...

Chynna - D-U-LL as Craig would say. Dances to her only hit. Snork!

Chaz is dancing to a Sonny song. When I say dancing I mean standing still while moving his arms a little, with Lacey twirling around him. Len must have seen something I didn't as he just said it was his best dance so far. They all three agree Chaz is likable, saw, isn't that nice? Craig would have been scathing.

Kristen - she feels Len has to say something nasty about everyone. Hmm maybe Len is so bitter and twisted on the UK show because he is not allowed to be the mean one? Every US show needs a mean Brit judge. I missed why Beyonce's Crazy In Love is special to her. She looks great in her outfit. Len is as always charmed by a pretty girl. Bruno is standing up and shouting. The TV cameras keep showing some guy in the audience that I assume is her boyfriend or brother? I need to start subscribing to Us Weekly obviously.

CARSON! I LOVE CARSON! But first adverts. Chocolate. Bastards. Now I have to go dig through the cabinets. (Found some Big Turk - great name and oddly tasty). Oh a bit pervy coat removal. And Carson wants her shoes. Anna is dancing in a black net curtain. Some great high kicks! And not as bad a tango as it could have been. Bruno loves it and gets a kiss! Len clarifies he doesn't want a kiss. But he liked it. I don't like agreeing with Len. A very handsome man in audience - boyfriend? Seriously am getting that subscription tomorrow...

J.R. - what is not to like? He has great hips and his story is very moving. The judges all love him. We all do. I think he will win. Betcha he will get his first 10 next week.

Nancy Grace. I like the Irish dancer who says 'turd' for 'third'. He remind me of the driver from Downton Abbey. Mmmm... But Nancy is not great. Yawn. Jeebus. Carrie Ann Inaba (as the man with the voice always says, no first names here) must have an amazing imagination. Off with the fairies. Maybe she is friends with Paula Abdul.

Crikey. Advert break again. Anti-depressants this time. Obviously catering to a mainly female, middle aged audience.

Ricki! I just feel we should be chanting her name. She loks a bit hippie, some sort of sheet over one shoulder and Cher 1970's hair. Her dancer dated Cheryl Cole for a while - he needs a shave. I think they should have kept Cheryl on Xfactor over here, Nicole Schechszingzr is not great. Anyhoo. Very nice dance, she could win too...

Adverts. Is it me or are they just adding more and more breaks as the program progresses? Jackie Chan is advertising V8.

Hope. Not just a female sport star but soccer star so unlikely to get a lot of votes. She looks great and I like that she picks on Maks for not being fit enough. Hehe. She has hideous tights on. Len thinks it is too provocative, Carrie Ann Inaba wants Maks to show his girly walk (ooooooh his face.. priceless), Bruno is walking with his hands on the table to show her how it's done.

David. I am a big fan! And dancing with open shirt! He has a nice chest but no hip action. I still want him to go through so am going to vote a bit extra to make up for the fact that he can't dance. He is so lovely and weird and I just love the outfits he practices in!

Over for today! Tomorrow is the drawn out results show. Yawn. Luckily Glee is on at the same time followed by New Girl so I will google the results afterwards.

Gossip corner - confirmed new boyfriend of Kristen in the audience and the handsome man is with Carson.

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